Amazing Bridal Showers

Planning a bridal shower can be more confusing than ever for today’s hostess, who is responsible for juggling traditional bridal shower practices with proper etiquette in today’s more casual society, sometimes accounting for complex family groups or long distance brides, and doing it all in the midst of an already busy life.

We’ve put together the etiquette questions we are most often asked by hostesses planning bridal showers to help you as you plan your event.

Bridal Shower Planning - Etiquette Questions

Who should host the bridal shower?
The maid of honor is the traditional hostess for the bridal shower.

Can other bridesmaids be included in the planning?
Yes! All of the women who will be bridesmaids at the wedding have been asked to stand up with bride because they are very important to her. It is proper to ask if they would like to help in the planning. It is also important to include them when selecting a date, so they can plan schedules accordingly.



Is it proper for a family member of the bride to host the bridal shower?
In the past, it may have been considered improper for a family member to host the shower, since this event is traditionally a gift-giving event and if a family member were to host, the perception may have been greed.

In today’s modern society, it has become more acceptable for a family member to host. Sisters of the bride are often bridesmaids and are the most likely family member to host. Mothers of the bride should not be the hostess, but can be involved in the planning process.

If you live in an area that may be more inclined to traditional values, consider the bridal showers you have recently attended and who the hostesses were. You can also ask close friends for advice.

Should the bride help plan her bridal shower?
The hostess can involve the bride on some matters of the planning, such as the date and time, the guest list, gift idea and there may be some games that will require information only the bride will know. In general, try and keep the games and other details a surprise. This will add to the excitement and really allow your bride to enjoy the moment!

Do you recommend hosting a surprise bridal shower?
Planning a surprise bridal shower is complicated and often ends up being not a surprise at all. The bride will usually expect to have shower hosted for her, and thinking that her bridal party has forgotten this special occasion will only add additional stress for her.

A surprise shower could be thrown by her co-workers during a work day. Or she could be surprised by a smaller, more intimate shower with close friends or family in the few weeks before the wedding.

If the bride has been previously married, do we still host a shower for her?
Yes! The bridal shower is a celebration, and the bride should not miss out on this joyous event because she has been married before. Ask the bride if she would like a shower. Depending on the situation, she may decide it’s not appropriate to have a traditional gift-giving party. Instead, consider hosting a casual stock the pantry or recipe shower, with guests bringing a small gift and their best wishes for the bride.

When should the shower be held?
The traditional gift giving shower is usually hosted 1 - 2 months before the wedding. The exception could be if the bride lives a out-of-state, and is traveling back home for her wedding. In that case, you could schedule the shower around a time she will be there for planning purposes, holidays, or the week before the wedding.

Who should be invited to the shower?
Consult the bride with regards to the guest list. Generally, invite the women from both the bride and groom’s side of the family, all bridesmaids and close friends of the bride. Traditional etiquette requires only inviting those who will also be invited to the wedding.

How should we handle inviting step-families?
Today’s families are a mixture of traditional and combined families. If the bride is friendly with the various step-families, they should be included. If there may be a chance of conflict at the event based on the personalities involved, ask the bride to extend the invitation, with the condition of the attendees being civil out of respect to her. Not inviting members of step-families may potentially cause more hurt feelings, so be sure to work closely with the bride on the guest list.

How many people should be invited to the bridal shower?
While it depends on where you are hosting the event, most bridal showers have between 10 and 20 attendees. This keeps the event small enough where everyone will have a chance to mingle with the bride.

I have been to many bridal showers where there are upwards of 50 attendees, and if you come from a large family, this may be a more manageable number to insure family members are not left out.

What kind of invitations should we plan on sending?
The invitations you select can be custom printed, purchased from the card store or sent via email. Many hostesses are choosing to make their own invitations using the computer, and a printing program like Print Shop. This enables you to create a professional looking invitation that you can easily customize, and it looks great!

What information should be included on the bridal shower invitation?
Be sure to include the Bride’s Name and Shower Date/Time. Also important are:
Address of the shower
Map of the shower (optional)
RSVP date and phone number
Hostess’ name and phone number
Shower theme information (if necessary)
Registry Information (optional)

Is it proper to include registry information in the shower invitation?
Yes! Showers are primarily gift giving events, and it is proper in most social circles to include the registry information. If you think some guests may be offended by including it, leave it out but make sure the hostess’ phone number is on the invitation so guests can call with registry inquiries. Many stores offering bridal registries will also have small registry cards that can be slipped into the invitation.

How should we have guests RSVP?
The easiest way of having guests respond is by telephone. Keep a guest list by the telephone and check off “yes” or “no” when a guest calls.

When should the “RSVP by” date be?
The best guideline is to use 2 weeks before the shower. If you are running behind schedule and have mailed the invitations late, choose an RSVP date that is one week before the shower.

What do we do with guests who have not RSVPed by the noted date?
The hostess should call the guest and inquire if they will be attending. This will remind them, if they have forgotten and also give a more accurate guest count.

When should the bridal shower invitations be mailed?
If there are out-of-town guests, plan on mailing their invitations 3 - 6 weeks before the shower. For local guests, sending invitations 2 - 4 weeks before the shower is appropriate.

How should the event flow in terms of timing and activities?
Allow about two hours for the entire shower event. Depending on how many people are attending and whether they’re a chatty bunch, your event may end a little earlier or last a little longer. Here’s a general schedule of how a generic bridal shower will flow, and you can add, remove or re-order it as you like.

• 15 min - Greet guests, serve drinks and light appetizers. After all guests have arrived, if it’s a relatively small shower, go around the room and have each guest introduce herself and tell how she knows the bride.
• 40 min - Play a few shower games. It’s great to play the shower games towards the beginning of your event, as they’re a great icebreaker. Remember, there may be some guests who will only know the bride.
• 30 min - Break for lunch. Once all of your guests have had a chance to get their plate together, the bride will begin opening her gifts.
• 20 min - After the bride opens her gifts, guests will often chat amongst themselves and then start leaving. If you’re having doorprizes or shower favors, distribute them now. The bride should be free so she is able to thank guests as they leave and say goodbyes.

Does a shower have to have games?
A bridal shower does not have to have games, but it is nice to include them if many of the guests are not familiar with each other. It gives everyone a chance to be included and participate in the event. If the bride is older or not into games, lunch at a nice restaurant may be an alternative.

What kind of food should I plan to serve at the shower?
This depends on what time you are hosting the shower. If it’s served in between mealtimes, you should plan on having light snacks and refreshments for guests. Fruit and vegetable trays, crackers or chips with dip, pretzels, nuts and something sweet for dessert would be acceptable. For refreshments, serve coffee, tea, punch and soda.

If your shower is planned for the time people usually eat brunch, lunch or dinner, you should plan on serving something more substantial. A buffet is a great idea, and you can also invite guests to bring a dish for a potluck. They can bring along recipe cards to share with the bride and the guests.

Do we have to provide a shower favor for guests?
This tradition varies based on where you live, and what the common custom is with your circle of friends. In some regions of the country, shower favors are not given, as guests feel they are there to show their love and support for the bride and do not need a favor in return.

In other areas of the country, it would be considered rude to not have a favor to present to departing guests. Some simple favor ideas are potpourri satchels, scented candles or candy. For a more personal favor, consider taking a picture of the bride with each guest, and giving that to the guest as a memento of the day. With today’s small portable printers, someone from the bridal party could easily take the photo as the guest arrives and have time to prepare the pictures before the shower has finished.

When should thank you notes be sent?
Plan on sending out the thank you notes as quickly after the event as possible. During the shower, have guests write their address on the back of the thank you card envelopes. As the bride opens gifts, someone from the bridal party should be writing down the gift and who it was from so the bride can easily write a personal thank you message to each guest.